smallswong's Xanga

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 10:21:01 GMT

Right now I am playing this game. Although it is a game for one, in some extremely selfish way, i need your full participation and attention. However, only when i require it. Also do note that you may be a key chess piece in this game, but there are several other games, where you are just a pawn. And several others where you are off the chess board. Up and down the snakes and ladders, is it any surprise why you are screaming for an end?

Right now I am looking at this picture of a girl. She was my senior and also the most popular girl in school. When I was 13, I would have given anything to be in her shoes. Now she puts her v shaped fingers on her lips and presses her tongue through it. And just as she was when she was 17 all her friends followed her. Not as she is when she is 27, I don't want to be 27 with a daily hangover, an unemployed CV, low slung jeans and a belly button ring.

Right now I am listening to this song. It is a song to blares through the pretentious chatter, the stabbing of backs and the uncongenial gossips. A happy clappy song that gets your right shoulder twitching, and then your left shoulder begins its own rhythm. Soon you find your fingers snapping despite the fact that you can't snap. Before you know it, you have vacated your seat and doing the world's most embarassing dance. Yet, your heart is light and your smile is bright.

Right now I am at this place. This latitude where letters do not arrive and is not defined by a postcode or historic landmark. I have become a passing town for people in search of something greater. For each wanderer that comes through, he/she is fed with laughter, showered with love and rests in my heart. With each stolen souvenir, I find myself emptier and smaller in this ever growing sense of loneliness.

Right now I am reading the book of life and the answers are not written at the back.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:44:49 GMT

only once in your life will you find a person who unlocks the disenchantment casted by time over a relationship. a person whom you love for all his material surfaces and love even more when stripped bare of all opulence. a person who gets you planning for 30 years to come and excites you about about the next 30 days to come. a person whose every kiss feels like the first kiss. a person who permeates your thoughts all day, all night and then somemore. a person brings the adage that there are no perfect people, just people perfect for each other come true.

and that is why it sucks that, there is only one you.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:28:14 GMT

If I could paint a sad goodbye;
I’d paint your eyes a clear blue sky.
Pluck you grace from a pale faced moon
And slumber down this tattered room.

If I could find an amber train;
Lord I’d ride it to the bitter end.
Passing hope in the summer bloom;
Passing dreams and a fading tune.

If I should stray amid crimson rose…
Whither angels on wings of gold?
Who for flowers in the month of May?
Who for you on your winter’s day?
Who for flowers in the months of May?
Who for you?

Note: This song entitled 'Who for you' is by Pete Teo. To me, it is one of the hardest songs to obtain and yet one of the most difficult to let go.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:49:27 GMT

When my waking hours are filled with unrelenting nags, coscripted conversations, judgmental eyes and status reconciliatons. It is no wonder why my appropriate nights are spent in music that befittingly suffocates bedlams, cimmerian shades concealing all discerns and liquid love that rewrites your life. They say that those that seem the happiest on the outside are actually the saddest on the inside, and i could not agree more. It is baffling how i find myself in habitual laughter and cyclic chatter, when on the inside, I feel my heart failing bit by bit and beat by beat. However, in that picture above, I was happy, not because all was well but because all was forgotten, even it was for that 10 seconds.10 wonderful seconds.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 11:52:46 GMT

like short films that captures the simplest of moments and highlights the momentous meanings. like songs so immaculately composed, it becomes the soundtrack of your life. like hallmark quotes that illustrates everything in a line. like imperfectly captured polaroids which colours has runneth.like flushed cheeks and sweaty palms on a hot summers day. like a crashing wave, a laugh so big it becomes an unpleasant guffaw, a bear hug, a sensational kiss, a fresh new sheet of paper, a rollercoaster plunge, a hard book cover, a perfect delusion.

this is what you are like to me.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 15:14:06 GMT

this is the week where all allocated work shall miraculously finish by 5.30 pm sharp

ALAKAZAAM!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:12:35 GMT

Little notes of today:

1. Nothing good comes out from revealing too much
2. If we wait for the moment when everything is ready, absolutely everything is ready, we will never begin
3. I'm never alone with schizophrenia
4. Happiness is nothing more than bad memory
5. Have bad memory
6. Tinkerbell: " You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting " - Peter Pan
7. I do not like green eggs and ham I do not like them sam I am
8. I wish I would stop wishing for things to happen and for events to reverse themselves
9. So many things are overrated
10. Fridays nights should be spent drunk

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 09:14:35 GMT

I concede, i have been naive. For now i believe that the adage holds true ; postgraduate studies does take a whole new level (Jaclyn, is this why you have fallen of the face of this earth?) I have always been more in awe of how people could afford their masters rather than how they triumphantly accomplished it, but on this fateful day, within the hours of 9am to 12pm to be precise, i sat for my first CA examinations and was ridiculed by a piece of paper. Anyways ! moving on to happier things, my company has made tomorrow a compulsory leave and therefore i get ONE extra day to my already long one month (study) break. And then on Thursday I head to office and collect my next CA paper learning pack for my December examinations. This is perhaps why I don't blog anymore. It is pathetic to have it in typed words how repetitive my life has become ! :(

Ahhh....

Pictures to prove a failing point

Velvet with the bankers and that one open mouthed dentist ;)

Phuture with the lovelies

Shannie's 22nd Birthday at Luna Bar

I now need to go repair myself via facial, gym, rest and to recover from my accumulated debt. Damn you online boutiques for making me spend money without leaving the vicinity of my books !

Friday, September 18, 2009

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 20:05:38 GMT

On so many levels, i am angry, angry so often so much that i spend my days pouring over this non-exhaustive list . To name a few: the strongest sense of betrayal, when it happens in front of my face and the most brutal mistake, when i commanded it to happen. I feel like a child for all I want to do at times is to curl up into a ball and cry and to blame everyone else for this unfleeting happiness in me. Other times, like an infuriated minor who feels that there is not one understanding soul in all of my 900 facebook friends. I wish i was braver, stronger or perhaps just accessible to a potion called ignorance. Going to bed has once again become the hardest thing, for this is when loneliness blankets me and unforgiveness becomes my bed mobile.

5am now, my sleep awaits.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 04:53:04 GMT

When the nightly veil encompasses us right, when we tuck our love away for the night. Differences so drastic and yet moments so fantastic. Please, just one more smile, one more free running mile. Before the working hours, scheduled lunches and bloomberg helpdesks devour us. Before excel sheets, CFA, CA and other acronyms line its fleet.T-shirt and jeans, there you are. Sneakers with rims, never too far.