5 metres to the left, right and all around, no one in the vicinity.  Yet the intrusion and suffocation intensifies. It has been blanketed, undressed and erased but with no avail. Innocently it pries, in the area most vulnerable and yet most often neglected for its presumed lack of judgment, the heart. The ménage of such discomfiture begins with tugs at the heart. “Hush now” pacifies the brain. Once more, all is well. Fed only by pseudo laughter, self hypnotic optimism and unspoken necessaries, it takes a form. Like Manga, when childlike features are sprinkled with insuppressible malevolence, it creates the most grotesque woe. Falsified happiness now has a face.  Like adulterated surgery, a brutal clamp on your heart. Like a brewing witch, an encircling of your innards. Like intoxicated runaways, tears filled with vodka.  In the first aid kit: memories of a better time. For months end,  asthmatic, we inhale on this. Memories are only as good as the memory and the memory is only as prevalent as the stand till of the clock’s two hands. However, adults do as supposed to; we make do. From here on, fabricated memories that never belonged to us and the hope of a better tomorrow, is our happiness.

In the last 24 hours:

The best way to be awaken, those addictive morning smses. The gentle mockery of my preceeding dilatoriness, followed by his habitual 15 minutes tardiness. Plus an hour, we find ourselves on speeding freeways, bad traffic, even worse music and the worst singing. With questionable fresh air in our lungs, 7000 metres above sea level, we reach. 200 metres worth of human lines, we check-in. A hug for the boyfriend while he waits, a halau " satu orang beratur saja " I got. The 9pm magic show followed after, we learnt of traps doors, elusive white animals and scary clowns. Real magic only took place when we successfully consumed the world's worst wan tan mee. The next five hours was spent at the water filter, where the engineer/investment banker/professional water temperature enthusiast ventured on his life's mission : obtaining the recipe for drinking water's ideal temperature. Incessant laughter, unintended elbowing in the face, gossip girl dramatics and light off it was. Through stolen blankets and snoozed alarms,

I finally find my heart in a position it has longed for

isn't it odd how life takes its turns

equating years of anonymity, months of solitude,

weeks of apprehension, days of flustered disposition,

minutes of my racing heart,

into that second, where he leaned down,

and

:)